Saying the F-words

Dear friends,

We live in rough times in which clear English free of gratuitous profanities seems to be increasingly scarce. This is conspicuously true in Bronx County. Overheard conversations on the streets, in parks, and on trains and buses, are filled with the f-word, the s-word, and, sad to say, even the n-word. I will not single out any age group or ethnicity as the prime offenders. People of every classification and of both genders can be heard speaking this way. A few years ago, an experience I had on the #8 bus on Williamsbridge Road proved to be the last straw. It was late afternoon and sitting opposite me were two teenage girls on their way home from high school. The girls were speaking loudly about some of their schoolmates. Every other word they spoke seemed to be "fucking", "shit", or "nigger". They were excited as only teenage girls can be and totally oblivious to the other passengers around them, including two nuns in full habit sitting right next to them.

After that experience on a bus, I decided to create a game called "Say the F-words". You can play the game by yourself. The object is to write sentences that include as many f-sounds as possible. Words beginning with "f" or with "ph" are the main ingredient, but words in which the accented syllable begins with an f-sound are also fair game. You should try to use as many f-words as you can but you may not use THE f-word. The objective of the game is to educate players and make them aware of just how many alternative f-words there are.

You may also play the game in a group using a set of index cards with a previously composed f-word sentence on each one. The players take turns reading a sentence from one of the cards. The other players will listen to the reader and critique the performance. Readers should be rated for the fluency and dramatic intensity of their rendition. A reader who breaks down and laughs gets no credit for that round.

Below you will find a set of f-word sentences that you can use to get you started in the game. Have fun.


For Fall Feast Fridays, Friar Francisco frequently preferred freshly frozen flounder filets and fennel-flavored French-fried fritters.

Foolishly forgetting the flagrant flaws of offensively foul-flavored fast foods, the famished Friar Frances feasted ferociously on Filthy Frieda’s French-fried fritters.

After forgetting the failures of Frederick’s futile affairs with fickle Felicia and faithless Felicity, Felix foolishly forfeited the fond affections of his fiancée Phoebe, to fearlessly face a fragile future with flighty Frieda, whom he found fatally fascinating.

After finding his fraternal twin Felipe affectionately fondling Frieda on Father Farnsworth’s office furniture, Felix informed Frieda she might face a fine future as his former fiancée and facetiously bid her a friendly farewell.

Phoebe felt infuriated following Felix’s fouling of the final phrase of Ophelia’s fond farewell with a five-second fart of such fearsome force that feathers flew off the stuffed falcon on the fireplace.

Frederick and Frieda’s affair fizzled after Frederick’s affluent family from Philadelphia found Frieda frolicking on their foyer floor with five freshmen from Frederick’s fraternity.

On February 15th, 1454, Fodor finally faced the futility of finding Fafner’s faithful friend Fritz in the faraway frozen fjords of Finland.

Felix found a fuming Phoebe frowning furiously after facing Frieda’s false façade of facile friendliness.

Phoebe fainted after forcing open her freezer and finding 44 freshly frozen flying fish frenetically flapping their fins.

A family formation fable: Frances found Fred fascinating. Fecundity followed infatuation. Fred’s a father of four.

After fouling the football field with a phenomenal fifty-five second fart, Felipe was flagged for flagrant, but not fragrant, flatulence.

Fortunately for Phoebe, Felix found Frieda’s freckles offensive.

Phoebe and Felix feigned feeling foolish for finding forty-five fiercely fanatic Philadelphia Phillies fans fantastically fascinating.

Firefighter Phillip, though frightened of furry ferrets, flavorful fondues, and physical fitness fads, faced the fiercest flames fearlessly.

When Phillippe effusively flung forth the full force of his feelings, Francoise, her sang-froid fractured, faced her future with a newfound frisson of affection.

Felicia finally faced the futility of foraging for fresh fruit in February.

Fanny Finkelstein, the fiefdom’s finest flautist, though frequently affable, fell into a funk following the forced forfeit of her favorite fife.

Finnish, French, and Farsi feature differing phoneme frequencies.

In the Fall Fashions Fiesta last Friday in Frostbite Falls, Phoebe Farnsworth’s fox fur fedora found favor with frigid Philistines from Philadelphia.

Fanny felt a fanatical fondness for fancy fedoras with fox fur filigree.

On the fourteenth of February, Felix felt fairly flummoxed on finding his forlorn friend Phoebe feasting on fatty fried foods.

Felix feared the futility of offering his fifty-five thousand frequent flyer miles for full fare on the Fall River Ferry.

Flailing frantically for functional footholds, five fedora-festooned fops finally fit fat fingers into fresh fissures.

Felicia felt fairly flatulent following the five o’clock feast at the Phillipsburg Falls Fava Bean Festival. 

Phoebe feigned fascination with fake flowers fabricated in faraway Fargo’s famous factories.

Phoebe failed to find fallacies in Felicia’s far-fetched philosophies.

Flurry-free forecast favors fun Frisbee fracas at Fresno.

Felicia felt faint from the foulness of Felix’s formidable flatulence.

Felix felt fairly fortunate to find forty-four fanatically faithful friends feasting fastidiously on faster foods every fifth Friday in February.

Felix’s family was fully familiar with his frequent farts. 

Phoebe felt fearful of Felix-the-Fox’s fantastically fierce fangs.

Phillip favored fancy French faucet fixtures for facilities in Finnish farmhouses.

Felix faced a fragile future fearlessly.

Felipe found flawed features of famous faces fascinating.

Franklin fawned over the flawless features of filmdom’s famous faces.

Felicity, a Francophile, favored foreign feature films yet forswore fancy fromage.

After finding Fitzroy’s fabricated falsehoods offensive to Fargo’s fourteen famous pharmacists, Football Federation officials flagged Felix for fifteen flagrant fouls.

Felix found profound feelings of fulfillment from Phoebe’s fragrant al fresco feast of French fries festooned with farfalle alfredo.

Franklin feigned indifference to Daphne’s effusive affirmation of affection.

Felix’s feelings about feasting fastidiously with faithful friends on fairly flavorful fast foods every fifth Friday in February were fully favorable.

From the NYT crossword puzzle:
Flying furry friend from Frostbite Falls formally.
Answer: Rocket J. Squirrel

Flighty flibbertigibbets favor filigreed fences, flip for frilly frocks, and faint for fabulous furs.

Phillip Farnsworth, Phoebe Feinstein, Fred Friedman, and Frieda Fromme, Fargo’s four foremost physicians, found Felix Figueroa’s fractured fibula frustratingly fragile. 

After fashioning a familiarity with Frieda’s fully formed fondness for fast food French fries, Felix failed to find fault with flawed facial features of Felicia’s famously fickle friends.

Fifi Fuentes, the famed Filipino phoneticist and foreign language pheenom, was fully fluent in Flemish, French, Finnish, and Farsi.

After the fatal fire of February fourth befell the Farnsworth family and finished the fiasco of Felicity and Frederick’s affair, Felix’s father finally fathomed the full force of Frieda’s fury.

Felicia finally faced the fact that Phoebe's feigned affection for Phones failed to fool Philip's father.

Following that, the feeble flame of Phoebe and Phineas' affair flickered while Felicia and Philip, affianced, found fair fortune.

Fannie's facelift fell flat from a famous French physician's faulty formaldehyde.....FRIGHTENING!!!

On the fifth Friday of February, after failing to find fault with flawed features of filmdom's famous faces, the famished Felix, facing his fragile future fearlessly, feasted ferociously on fat-filled French fries from a foreign-based fast food franchise.

Frankly, February 4th's festival felt fallow following fundraisers fighting for Facebook followers. Forget phony folks -- "friend" Felix.